This chapter is for you if you identify as female or male, but you don't know what non binary is.
Hello, and welcome to 50 books each year, the podcast show where we read 50 books each year, so you don't have to. This is your host Mijndert Burger. Yes. Welcome. Welcome to the show chapter number five. In this week we will be reviewing gender your guide by Lee Erickson, PhD. And Lee Acton is a Assistant Professor of gender and sexuality at the Queen's University, Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
They wrote this book, gender your guide and it is 214 pages without the lingo pages. And it is a very easy book to read because Lee Ayrton is writing it from their own experience. What is hard about his book is the lingo and that's why
I was telling you two pages without the lingo because there's a lot of words in this book that you might not be familiar with. I can easily admit to it. I was not familiar with the exact meaning of a lot of words in this book as well. And thank you thank you Lee Ayrton.
They added into this book, a lot of sidebars a lot of textual factual things about what different words mean, this is so handy, because do you know that Lee Ayrton identifies as a non binary transgender person?
Okay, maybe you do? I don't think so. But maybe you do. But what does this mean? Do you know? Or you can already Consider yourself lucky if you have heard of these words, non binary chance. Transgender is already a word that a lot of us know. But do you know what non binary means? No.
Before we get into it before we get into non binary transgender, I want to say up front, I'm doing my best to keep this chapter as gender neutral as possible. That's why you'll hear me sometimes thinking about the words dem day she, he, and all those in between. I'm doing my best. And this is exactly also the lesson that Leon is trying to teach us. Do your best. make a mistake, learn from it and grow. And that's it. That's all there is to it. You can end this podcast already. No, no, no, no, no, stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Okay, so I started this podcast with if you identify as female male, but you don't know what non binary is. So let's just start first with is gender by nature or nurture. Now we have male or female in our passport or identity cards.
What makes us male or female? Is that just the genitals that you have? Because a lot of people don't have the genitals that we associate with male or female? So what happens to these people? Do you just check a box? Or
do you count in percentages? Like oh, you have 75% parts females, so we are growing identify you as female. This is weird. So
we have to get rid of the system, of course, but let's look at where we come from. is gender, nature or nurture. Now in the book, there is an example and I'm gonna quote out of the book, and that is why gender
is, of course you're born with so it's nature part of it, but it's also nurture and you have a choice always what you're going to
To identify with, but before we say that, yes, I believe that gender is nurture, because nurture can also go too far. And I'm going to quote from the book.
There's been a lot of research into the nature or nurture question and great harm has been done in the name of finding the answer. dr. john Mooney conducted now in famous research on David Rhymer and his twin brother, David was born with a penis and associated male, but his penis was badly damaged in the circumcision accident.
His parents sought guidance from Mooney was suggested raising David as a girl alongside his brother in the book as nurture made him. Author john Kelly Pinto documents the extensive extensive socialisation efforts on the part of Mooney and the twins parents to nurture David into becoming a girl when he published on the case and became very well known, but David struggled with the eventually and eventually reached
This forced socialisation coming to identify as a man
but he will eventually commit suicide and of the quote
in this squad we have to think about this quote for a second and this situation, you are born
as a with a penis, you're born with a penis, and due to religion probably or the era that you live in, you are being circumcised. This operation goes wrong. And some doctor says it would be better for the parents to bring you up as a girl.
This is already
Why would you do this? Why would you choose to go as a girl? Why not let that boy or
girl choose for him or herself what he or she wants to be or once a male female
The non binary part in between could be any of these solutions because look at the social pressure, someone is giving already at birth being studied. Yeah, and of course eventually committing suicide, because not being able to comply with all of those things that are being expected of you. Wow. This is something already to think about is gender. Are you being born with it? Or is it nurture and or is it something in between? Now,
gender is as we know, every where you might not be aware of it. But if you go to the supermarket and we all do,
you are seeing those nuts that are being
advertised for women because they're healthy, you slim down, or you see those glasses in a store that are being advertised for mail
gender is everywhere. And we all are gender experts. Lee Orton is writing in their book that we are all gender experts. And that is because we are all able to go into our shell as a turtle, when we are under social pressure to not stand out. We all have those moments that we don't want to stand out, and we behave in a certain way.
Because gender would expect it from us. And that could be if you're standing instead as a male, with a with a male group of people, whereas a female in a female group of people, we all are gender experts, we know certain ways of how to behave to not stand out. But what if you are that person that by nature, already stands out?
We have to
accommodates because this is not possible. Everybody is born, everybody is born, brought up. And if you are identifying as non binary, and you're standing out just for the pure effects of physical
aspects of your body, then we should accommodate that. Now, non binary is an umbrella term. And if you go to Wikipedia, or in the book, gender, you're guided by Lee Martin, Ayrton.
There's a lot of explanations about non binary. But when I say the next terms, I'm going to explain it as well. non binary, you could consider it as genderqueer, a gender trans threads, gender, gender fluid, or not masculine or not feminine.
So, if you look at the whole spectrum, and we're talking about the gender spectrum, not the sexuality spectrum, if you're looking at the whole spectrum from male to female,
Female, non binary is everywhere in between. Now, that doesn't mean that non binary is a fixed position in the spectrum. No, it can be left, right? male female, or, as I also mentioned gender fluid, it can move over time, because it's not a fixed thing for you.
This is a different
words than the abbreviation of LGBT.
Or some people know it is LGBTQ plus, or, and now I'm going to read this from from my paper. Let's go with LGBT tt SQQ a.
Wow. Do you know what all those letters mean? I had to look it up. I didn't know luckily it's in the book as well. Lee Ayrton wrote this down
So, all those letter stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, to spirit, intersex, Queen, questioning asexual and a gender. Now, from this abbreviation you can see that part of it is sexuality and part of visit gender.
From history, these groups of minorities have come together and fought for their rights, because they had things in common. They were being
excluded from society, and they were both fighting for the same things. Now in the book.
Leona is writing about that transgender people might get out of this abbreviation due to pure fact that people at a much younger age nowadays are able to transition
and they can transition in their own way.
will not have the nr passable, they call this passable, I had to look it up because passable would mean that if you're transitioning from male to female that you pass as a woman, or that you're transitioning from female to male and you pass as a man.
But there's also people in between,
because not every transgender person is
identifying as male or female, because I just said Lee artin identifies as non binary transgender person with the single singular pronoun day.
What does the singular pronoun day even mean? And you've also heard me say dem or making a big effort to keep this podcast gender neutral. We're gonna get into this for
Sure. But before we get there, this is a new podcast. And if you like reading books, or if you like taking in a lot of knowledge, nonfiction knowledge, please subscribe to the channel. Give this a review that we deserve. And that will help out the podcast a lot. Thank you very much. And with that being set.
And now, back to the show.
Yes, because maybe I woke us up, because I wasn't aware of all the things in the book as well. But what do you do with this knowledge? What do you do with the fact that you now know there's a lot of possibilities in between male and female, female or male?
There are what we call in the book, neon pronouns, singular de pronouns. They're also talking about
about Mr. Mrs. And m x. What do you do with this? What do you how do you do apply this in your normal life. And this is the most difficult part because
not only am I recording a podcast reading a book and getting into a subject that I don't know a lot about, because when I read this book, I found out that apparently I identify as sis gender. I'm a cisgender male.
Now that you would think that sis is that something for sissy or something No. cisgender means that you identify as male or female and that you don't fluctuate in between. Now, of course, I feminine aspects. Of course, I have male aspects, but I identify as a cisgender male and my gender is
Not fluid in that kind of aspect.
But for a lot of people it is. So if you would talk to me, you would say or about me, you would say he, or if you were him, but if you would talk to non binary person, they might have a different situation and putting someone into a box like a sheet or he might hurt them a lot, because they don't identify that way. And it's very tiresome to every day, and it happens a lot to only a direct user at the supermarkets. You already have this situation.
They have to explain it to everybody. You don't have time at a supermarket supermarket to explain what non binary is and what a pronoun is or how you would like to be addressed. You don't have that time. But
language is a beautiful thing.
Language is always changing, and also the pronouns and we can tell that the pronouns are now subject of discussion. Will this change in the next five years? No, because the whole world for years and years and years and years is used to the fact he and she, but the world is more and more getting aware that there's many different colours in between. So, gender neutral pronouns are being invented
and also getting a lot of
awareness in society. Now,
if you would have the singular day versus she and he,
it would be something like this and you've heard me do this. In the case of Lee Ayrton.
If you have a singular she or he it will become a
Yes, of course, this might sound a little bit weird to you, because in the in the beginning of the podcast, I used it as well. They
are identifying as non binary transgender person. And you might have thought like, Hmm, this sounds like grammatical correct English, but I'm not sure about the words, but you're already doing this. Because if you have a package being delivered and read now in the corona times, that might happen more than we think. Then you would say, for FedEx or UPS or whoever is bringing your package, you would say, de are delivering it today. Now and with de you don't mean the whole company, because the whole company is huge. its immense. And not the whole company is coming to your door for delivering the package. No, of course not. You use singular day and
singular day is already been used for years for hundreds of years in the English language. But when it comes to gender pronouns, we are not used to it. So we need to get more awareness for singular day. And we need to use it more. And I bet that when we use it more, it will become more fluidly especially or, as well for myself, because you can tell already from the from the podcast that sometimes I have to think about things. And that is just because we are not fully aware and it's not embedded into our soul that we have to use gender neutral pronouns. And you know that I'm a pilot, yes, let's go off script for a second, you know that I'm a pilot, so you know, that I do the Annunciation in the aircraft as well, or part of them. And the first thing that you will hear me say is, ladies and gentlemen, when I read this book, and I'm gonna say it again, thank you, Leo.
Li Ayrton when I was reading his book, I was like, oh no. Okay, I'm doing this correct Ladies and gentlemen, of course, there's nothing wrong with Ladies and gentlemen, but I'm missing a whole group of people. So how could I change that in the future? Now, what I learned is that with singular day, I can already change my language to gender neutral.
By changing papers to from Mr. And Mrs. To m x. The government can change a whole lot of things as well for non binary person, and actually, the Government of Canada is what I learned is already doing this. They are already putting on two official forms the possibility to do em x. Now here in Holland, it's just been announced this week, in July 2020. That would
In the next five years, we will get gender neutral ID cards as well. This is amazing.
we also need to change it in our language. So we have some
explanations and some den gender friendly office greetings. For example, if you would say and now code is from the book
there's a lady here to see you the more gender friendly way to put this is there someone here to see you? Or your 12 o'clock appointment has arrived? Or are you ready for for me to send in your visitor?
Now the next one is very common. Can I get your name mister with an awkward long pause so the other person would fill in their own name. But if you look masculine, it doesn't mean you identify as masculine. You can I do
Identify as non binary maybe identifies female or something in between. So putting in that pronoun, can I get your name mister
is already very risky. So the more gender neutral way of putting this and gender friendly is can I ask your name? Or whom should I say is waiting?
These are very easy changes to make.
It is so mind boggling for me to understand this possibility. Now, am I doing this right now? No. But I became aware Judas book I became aware that there's a possibility to make my language gender neutral, and I'm going to make my best efforts to do this. Now, for example, let's go back to the plane I'm already using it as a example. So let's continue with it. The toilets. Yes, we have toilets and send an aeroplane in
They are not
identifying with male or female, they are all gender neutral. So when people ask for where's the toilet, we would say in the front in the back or wherever it might be. But if you would be in a office or a hotel, and someone would ask, Where Where are the toilets, don't say the toilets are over dhahran point some direction, but give a gender friendly option. For example, like male toilets over there, female toilets are there or and the gender neutral, which is also the accent accessible one is over there.
Then you've already incorporated all the possibilities that there are
or you could say, the gender toilets are over there and the gender neutral toilet is over there.
And you can if you give people all these options, they can choose for themselves because
If you have someone standing in front of you, and you don't know the pronoun, you don't know how to identify, and you say, oh Mister, the male toilets are over there.
And the person identifies as non binary or female.
You are making a mistake. And of course, I get the fact and the arguments that people that stand out are difficult. Why should you change your language because someone else identifies a certain way.
But I challenge you, is it really difficult to include a certain words are excluded from your sentence, of course, we have used a certain sentences for years and if you've been trained in a hotel or a, an aeroplane or wherever you work in an office, we are trained in a certain way and we are trained in a way how to respond. But being aware of the fact that there is a rainbow of possibilities in which
Male and female and help people identify.
It is not such an effort to change your language. And it is okay to make mistakes when, when talking gender neutral. I'm sure I've made mistakes in this podcast with gender neutrality, or gender friendliness. But
please write me on Twitter and Instagram. If I did, I will learn from it. And I kept this whole podcast recording, because every mistake that I made in this podcast, I wanted you to hear it because we should not be afraid to make mistakes. This is the only way we can grow. And when we reflect on it, and we make amends, then I can improve my English make it gender friendly, and a whole lot of people will be happier with it.
They're now for the general recommendations of this book with
Say, read it. It is only 200 pages long. And it's very easy and entertaining because there's a lot of examples in this book that Lee Ayrton is right is telling us about and de are using their own experience the whole time with no holding back.
So if you want to know how a non binary transgender person
as being able able to cope with life to cope with standing out, and as being an assistant professor in Canada, you should read this book, gender your guides by Lee Ayrton thank you very much for listening to this podcast. And with that being said,
subscribe to the podcast 50 books each year, go to www dot 50 books each year.com for all of our social media channels and join the stories
Transcribed by https://otter.ai